I think the last post took us through Saturday. So, we walked Sunday night and tonight. And it's tonight that I want to talk about. WOW, the voices were loud tonight. Not so much in the vein of "don't go exercise" because I think I've becoming pretty good at fighting those voices but rather they were loudest when we were outside walking and they said "why are you bothering to do this?" and "you don't look any different, you hardly even feel any different, why are you still doing this?" and "you are going to fail" and "you've eaten pretty badly the past couple of days and you're sick of salad and turkey bacon, now what are you going to eat?". It's kinda terrible ya'll.
I haven't had a great night anyway. Besides Sam losing her child support (because John is no where to be found), we also lost two other sources of income in the past week. I'm the only one working and it's terribly tight on just my salary. I wanted to sign up for the Governor's Cup race in November and I can't. We are on a necessities-only budget now and so I can't justify spending the money for that. And that actually makes me really kinda sad and bummed because I feel like we have to be "training toward" something... toward some goal or else damnit there's no reason to be doing this. I mean, it doesn't feel or look like I'm losing weight. I'm not gaining a whole lot of energy. So what's the point? I'm just so down and completely negative tonight.
I'm not winning in the battle with the voices tonight. We exercised, but jeez. I just don't know what tomorrow will hold.